To read the Ensign article click here

“Here’s a simple truth: you will get hurt. Life will throw you for a loop and give you whiplash. It will cut you, bruise you, break you. That’s just how it is.”

About a month ago we had a Relief Society class on Sunday in an Ensign’s magazine article given by Sister Reyna Aburto. For those who are not familiar with Relief Society it is a women’s organization . We tend to discuss talks, the scriptures and topics that will strengthen each other.

First, I would like to ask you a question… What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of broken or when you see something that has been broken?

For me I usually think of all the things that I have broken and that I have had to either repair, replace, or heal from and it’s a bit of a stressful feeling not necessarily a comforting and warm feeling. Am I the only one that stresses out a little bit about a broken cellphone, or a broken piece of art, or a broken barbie because one of your three male brothers decided it was fun and you’re now left with your favorite headless barbie and then maybe millions of broken glasses right up until your 30’s? These examples are obviously just examples not coincidences.

The title of the article we discussed is “ The Beauty of Broken Things''... wait… whaaaaaat? The BEAUTY? Okay they usually don’t look pretty but whatever Sister Aburto I will just have to trust you on that one. In this article she compares broken things to our trials, to times where she’s been broken inside because of the hardships experienced. She compares her life to a church in Dresden which got destroyed during WW2 which then was rebuilt using some of the original stones. Those blackened stones are very much visible to the sight and makes up for a beautiful church.

I have gone through very hard times. The scars are still there. The pain is still there. But the Lord has rebuilt my life and has allowed me to have joy in this life through His tender mercies and through the Atonement of the Lord.”

I have always believed that trials are actually blessings but oh so painful sometimes. But I have never thought of the beauty of brokenness just like the now beautiful church in Dresden which has allowed people to worship and be delighted by it. Also, Sister Aburto’s scars which have allowed her to have joy.

There is also a japanese craft called “Kintsugi” which I am sure most of you are familiar with. It’s basically broken pottery glued back together with lacquer dusted or mixed with powder gold, silver, or platinum. As you can see in the picture those broken areas are very much visible which also makes up for a beautiful and unique piece of pottery with its very own cracks.

But why am I talking about brokenness? Well I don’t know about you but 2020 was a rollercoaster for me. I hit the lowest lows , the highest highs and then again was on my lowest lows. I felt broken multiple times, I tried building myself back up several times as well. Let it be clear that I had been very much blessed through it all. There were so many wonderful experiences I had and people I met. But it was still hard. Have you ever felt like that? Or had a moment in your life where it was also an emotional rollercoaster?

When feeling broken I just wanted to feel like myself again, enthusiastic, optimistic, more grateful, and determined. And though it was difficult for me to get to those points I felt the unconditional love of Our Savior all along. I knew I was not alone. I felt comforted and more loved than ever while feeling pain at the same time. I felt like He was taking some of the pain away while I had to endure some of it as well.

At the beginning of the year I was feeling fine or at least told myself so. It wasn’t until we had this lesson that I realized how broken I felt again which sounds so depressing but at the same time realized how amazing it was to be broken. Because it is an opportunity to put all those little pieces back together through the Atonement of Christ.

Sister Aburto said “No matter how wounded you are, God can heal you. And it’s a privilege, a miracle, to see what He can make of your brokenness. He can take the shattered pieces of your life and rebuild it into something even greater—a glorious whole that is made stronger, more beautiful, more complete by its once having been broken.”

I felt more grateful than ever not only for the good in my life but also for my little broken pieces. I am having the privilege to become even greater and more complete. It reminded me that I do not need to be back to where I was, that I can be better through the Atonement.

So often we want to avoid suffering and feeling pain in life. I forget that these experiences can only refine me and strengthen me. I forget that is part of experiencing life. Why are we so afraid of feeling pain? Why do we instantly think negatively when we hear the word broken?

Growing up I was taught to be strong and courageous. Somehow I associated that with not being vulnerable, to just try to be grateful, do a quick cry and then keep going forward. I felt like feeling those feelings were seen as being weak. I didn’t want to be seen that way. So it’s taken me years to realize that it is okay to feel pain. It is okay to suffer, it is okay to cry as much as we need to cry and it is okay to be broken, in fact is a privilege like Sister Aburto said. We do not have to hide our scars or feel shame because of our hardships but instead paint them with a little gold like the Japanese do with Kintsugi to remind us what “we have become because of them”.

Recently I watched a video where there is this young man who signed up for an Ultra Marathon of 100 miles. As an avid runner I can somehow relate to him. When I say somehow it is because the most I have ran is 26.2 miles so nowhere close to 100 miles and definitely not in the desert. So, he starts training for it and there comes a time where it gets tough just like life does right? He then pulls out a picture of I presume is his dad which reminded him of what he said to him:

“You told me that if I ever hesitated because I doubted my ability to remember things that life is not about doing things perfectly but INTENTIONALLY, you said that it is your choices that show who you truly are far more than your abilities. That even if I failed I could choose to not give up, that I could find my courage, press forward and rise up. That that was the great test of the journey. I am not perfect, that’s not why I am here. I am here to keep trying to keep running, to keep pushing. I’m here to keep going. I don’t know why I always try to live my life like a sprint. It’s not a sprint, it's a marathon. And, everyday I turn my heart to you. I get the strength I need to keep going, the light I need to move forward, helping others along the way, reaching out to those in distress with no expectation of repayment- just the Pure Love of Christ. Sharing my life and my journey and sharing your story- not burying it, but giving it freely… There is so much to feel, so much to see. And honestly for the first few months I almost looked past the whole point of it all. All I wanted was a flat easy path. But, that wasn’t the point. The point was the climb, the adventure. I could spend a lifetime waiting for a moment when everything lines up perfectly, waiting for everything to fall into place. But now I know I don’t have to. Now I know all I have to do is take courage, and with faith in JesusChrist just put one foot after the other.”

What does he mean by doing things intentionally? Perhaps, it means to do things wholeheartedly, to be committed, to have a purpose, to take action, for him maybe to endure during the climbs under the sun even if that meant there’s going to be some pain involved or suffering.

I think it is the same in life. We are not here because we are perfect, we are here to “keep trying, to keep running, to keep pushing, and to keep going” We are going to fail and we all have failed. But that doesn’t mean we have to give up. We too can be intentional in our lives by being committed, focused on what we want and take courage no matter the circumstances. Sometimes being intentional in our lives looks like being vulnerable, sometimes it may look like taking risks and making sacrifices, and daring to feel UNCOMFORTABLE and sometimes it can look like all of the above.

I once said, not too long ago I regretted giving second chances. I said something like “Had I known this was going to happen again , had I known I was going to feel broken again I would not have given second chances”. But now I do not regret giving second chances(my whole heart included or maybe just three quarters of it). Because I took a risk, I took courage to get my heart broken again in a million quarks (quarks are broken protons and neurons, just the smallest particles in the universe found by physicists to my knowledge but can obviously correct me if I am wrong on the comments down below.). In all seriousness, I loved intentionally, I loved with no expectations, I was committed, I was vulnerable and I certainly did not do things perfectly. I am now grateful for what it was. I realize that my scars can only increase my ability to love more fearlessly and wholeheartedly.

As an avid runner I can tell you that my most meaningful races have been the toughest ones not the flat races nor the ones without a competitive field. The most meaningful ones have been the ones with hill after hill, tough weather conditions, pain and sacrifice included. And of course there is no way I could have done it completely and solely on my own. I had a coach, a plan, training, my family, friends, and of course my biggest supporters Christ and God, for you that might be someone or something else. As one of the sisters in Relief Society said:

"This life is to feel broken, submit cheerfully and with patience. It is the will of the Lord to feel joy yes but also to feel broken. We need Christ to repair us”

I am aware I am no longer an official missionary of the Church of JesusChrist of Latter Days Saints but I know that this is so TRUE!!. I know that if we were perfect beings with not cracks we would not have the chance to grow, learn, and see what God and Christ can make of us which I am sure most of us can't even begin to fathom. It's hard to trust it will all workout when things aren't going our way or when we forget how much more whole and God-like we can become because of those experiences that may feel like it's breaking every part of us. So, whatever hardship you might be going through with your work, relationships, personal development, career, goals REMEMBER to trust the best Architects we could have by our side which yes it will still be hard and painful but it will be worth every ounce of it all. They have the greater vision "You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” -C.S Lewis, Mere Christianity

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